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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I’m in my little bakery on the corner of Hithadhoo Magu. It’s cozy, smells like heaven, and I’ve got my trusty oven, “Ol’ Betsy.” She’s seen better days, but she’s my girl. I’m whipping up some fresh roshi and mas huni for breakfast. If you haven’t had that combo, you’re missing out! It’s like a party in your mouth.

ACC probes Felidhoo constituency candidate Arif